How Do You Love?
by Mlz
Summary: They say its like finding that fish in the sea you’ve been looking for. They say it fills your heart with joy, and that it cannot be described, for the feeling is too strong to be put into words... but they never said how to deal with it. RaexBB
1. Chapter 1

_How Do You Love?_

**Okay people… I know there are probably a dozen people gasping right now thinking, OH MY GOD! She's not dead! Yeah… I'm sorry I disappeared off the face of the planet so long… I know, I know… forgive me… but anywho, I'm back for what may very well be my last story… I'm not sure… who knows… **

**Anyways, I started this story over a year and a half ago… and although it's fairly short… I just finished about 5 minutes ago…**

**Heh… yeah, I know… I'm horrible at procrastinating.. But it's DONE! So if I remember… I'll update every week**

**No excuses about not having enough time to write it… 'cuz it's already written!**

**Anywho, I hope you all enjoy it!**

**Lot's of Love,**

**-Mlzy xoxoxox 3**

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**_Chapter 1_**

They say its like finding that fish in the sea you've been looking for. They say it overwhelms you, fills your heart with joy, makes you feel like you're floating amongst the clouds, and that it cannot be described, for the feeling is too strong to be put into words.

But what they didn't say… was how to deal with it.

_Love_

I've been hiding from that four-letter word my entire life, avoiding it, dodging it, afraid to face it. But no matter how hard I've tried, it always seems to wiggle it's way into places I don't want, or need it. It is relentless… but yet I still try and find ways to stay away. When I fell in love so many years ago… I ran away. Afraid to face what had happened…

But my story doesn't begin in those years; my story doesn't even begin with me. My story begins with the man I fell in love with and left alone so long ago.

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"_You're fired."_

Garfield Logan shot up into the calm chill of early morning's breath, and nearly fell out of his bed in doing so. His eyes met with the sun shining vividly through the grimy glass of his apartment window as the morning doves cooed their sweet lullaby to greet all those who would eventually awaken to the beautiful calm morning.

"I really need to get some blinds," he muttered while slowly lifting the flannel covers off his overheated body, revealing a pair of purple boxers.

As he stood up and began to stretch his muscles in an attempt to awaken them, flashbacks from his dream flooded into his mind like a tsunami striking an innocent city. The dream had haunted him for what had seemed like an eternity. Of course it wasn't quite a dream… they were memories from a few weeks prior when he was cut from the TV show he had acted on.

The day had been disrupting his normally content nightly imaginings for what seemed like forever. He recalled his old boss trying to tell him nicely that his character was going to die, and he would soon be out of a job. And then he would protest he could be a ghost! But the directors wouldn't have any of that. So he left the studio that day without a job… never again to return.

Sighing as he pushed the memories away, he walked into the small kitchen that was currently hidden by a gigantic pile of dishes, which were patiently waiting to be rid of the grime that covered their greasy surfaces.

"One more day of build up won't hurt anyone… I hope." he mumbled to himself as he grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard and went to fetch a box of cereal and a bottle of soy milk from the fridge.

After preparing his meal, he kneeled down on the throw pillow next to the coffee table and slowly began to eat away at the soggy mess. His eyes eventually found the brown substance he was eating boring and drifted up to the apartment walls.

On the wall of a 22 year old, you wouldn't expect to see what you saw on Gar's wall, on his, there were thousands of colourful sketches and photos of random things he had drawn or taken pictures of since he was a child. His apartment was littered with them. Before he had them organized, they were messily stuffed into a cupboard in the kitchen, put aside especially for his artist things. Which was where many of the others still resided.

Art and photography were hobbies he had taken up shortly after becoming an actor, he had always loved them but he really didn't start it as a pastime until a few years ago. One of his fellow cast members invited him to an art class one day and he fell in love with it. After a few months he then fell in love with photography as well.

His eyes continued to wander along the lively wall, like they did every morning. He always felt like he was searching for something… and that there was going to be one missing. But there never was. As he neared the end of the wall-sized collage his gaze fell upon a small but energetic photo. It was one of the rare ones he had kept on display that was from his past. He kept all the others tucked away in a box in the notorious kitchen cupboard and barely looked at them.

Five extraordinary teenagers stood all goofily smiling, with the exception of one, at the person who had taken the photo.

The large robot in the background was one of Garfield's old best friends, named Cyborg. He was the one out of the team whom Gar had always felt the closest to. But as time went by, and they both went on their separate paths, their friendship slowly fell away. Cyborg now went by the name Victor Stone, lived on the other side of town with his wife and worked as a full-time mechanic. There was the rare phone call; to catch up on what was happening in each other's life, but nothing more then that.

In front of the metal man stood two other teenagers. One was a tall redheaded alien, who had gone by the name Starfire at the time. The other, a shorter black haired boy, who was the team's leader, was formally known as Robin.

Both of them now went by different names, although Garfield couldn't recall what they were, and lived at a University campus somewhere on the outskirts of the town. They were the only two out of the team that had stayed close after disbanding. And from what Cyborg had said in their last conversation, they were due to wed sometime in the next year.

As his eyes roamed over to the next person he scowled and hastily stuffed another spoonful of cereal in his mouth. The girl had shoulder length lilac hair and stunningly gorgeous violet eyes. Her expression clearly stated she did not want to be there.

He never knew what had become of Raven. All he knew was that, one day, she left. She never contacted any of the other Titans again, and pretty much disappeared off the face of the earth. Raven had always puzzled him that way. She was always so secretive… even though he knew the exact reason why she left.

Pushing more painful memories into back of his head he looked on to the last person.

He smirked as he took another spoonful of his cereal, which he had been munching on the whole time he was staring at the photo. The boy wore a lopsided grin as he looked into the camera with a content aura glistening in his deep green eyes. Although the boy was green, Garfield recognized him as Beast Boy… his former self.

His eyes darted away from the picture of his past teammates and down to his wrist where he wore a small watch.

On the fifth anniversary of the Titans being a team, Cyborg gave all of the "oddly coloured" Titans a watch, which also worked as a hologram that made them, appear like an average everyday person you'd pass on the street and not give a second glance. He said they should use them if they ever needed to hide away.

And so they did, each one of them disappearing and making their own way in the world. He sighed, leaning back as he finished his cereal. He wished they had never disbanded… he would have never lost the one person he had lo-

"LOGAN, OPEN UP!" yelled a muffled, husky voice from outside his apartment door.

"Great… perfect timing, yet again." Gar muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he ran to the bathroom to get the money he had hidden for rent.

"HOLD ON MR.YERSSA!" yelled Gar as he counted out $130 out of the very little he had.

"HURRY UP!" Mr. Yerssa cried impatiently.

After unlatching every last bolt on the door he opened it to find a short bald Italian man who was missing a tooth, greedily rubbing his hands together with pure glee. "Rent time!" the man exclaimed happily.

"Here, Mr. Yerssa." Gar grumbled, hastily handing him the money.

Mr. Yerssa grabbed the money and counted it, with a look of gluttony he extended his hand again. "You're 30 bucks short kid."

"30 bucks! It was $130 last month!" Gar protested.

"And now its 160," Mr.Yerssa said, showing off his missing tooth with an evil grin. "Now cough it up, or pack it up."

"I don't have 30 bucks right now. Pay ya later." he muttered crossly, while rudely slamming the door in Mr. Yerssa's face.

"You better pay, boy! Or you're outta here!"

Gar cringed knowing on the other side of the door Mr. Yerssa was pointing towards to front door with that smug grin on his face. How he loathed that grin. Letting out a shutter he managed to restrain himself from opening up the door and knocking the money-hungry fat Italian off his feet, he slumped down into his couch and let out a long moan.

"I need to get a job."

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**And there you are… Chapter 1! I hope you all enjoyed! And please review… because if you do… maybe I'll remember to update ;)**

**Lot's of Love,**

**-MlzMissa**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello folks! Mlz back with another chapter of "How Do You Love?"… Not a lot of people have reviewed so far, so I figured maybe I'd update and draw a few more readers in. Hope you're enjoying it all so far:)**

**And remember… review:)**

**-----**

_Chapter 2_

"Hello, Jump City Journal. Anastasia speaking, how may I help you?"

"Hi. I'd like to place a wanted ad in your newspaper for an artist. It's for a book I'm writing."

"And what would your name be?"

"Rachel Roth. My phone number is 555-2978."

"Alright Miss Roth. We'll have the cost added to your newspaper bill; your ad should be in the paper by tomorrow. Have a nice day!"

"You too. Bye," the woman muttered dryly while hanging up the phone.

"There. That's done." Rachel said as she turned to face her laptop that sat on top of the coffee table in her small apartment.

She quickly exited out of the small children's chapter book she had been just finished, and opened another file, entitled _"Biography: The Life of a Raven"_. Re-reading the last paragraph she wrote to refresh her memory, she sighed and stared at a picture she had placed on the edge of the table. It was of her old group of friends, and the group was odd, to say the least. She took a sip of her tea and picked it up.

A half-robot, an alien princess, a kung-fu master/leader, a green changeling and herself, all each doing their own unique poses… definitely what most people would classify odd, not to mention that 4/5's of them were wearing spandex.

She smirked at the sight of the teen with violet hair. She was glaring at the camera, like she did in every picture that was taken of her, with her arms crossed and a slightly irritated look played across her face. Her name was Raven, and Raven's current name was Rachel Roth.

When she left the Titans she couldn't feel emotion. That's the way it still was and always would be. Though it became easier to let more feelings show as her powers became more and more dormant, she still wouldn't dare laugh. There was, still, the occasional slip of control, but she would regain composure immediately, thus resulting in nothing being destroyed.

Looking back to the green boy who stood beside her in the photo, holding bunny ears over her head, she shuddered letting her lips slip down into a frown.

_Beast Boy_

The name rang through her mind like a foghorn piercing a foggy night on a rugged sea. But although he was a painful part of her past, she still let her mind slide back to the cool night all the horror happened.

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_Ambulance sirens broke the silence of the midsummer night skies. Raven looked around desperately trying to find some form of comfort for her aching mind which beat away relentlessly like a drum. This couldn't be happening, not to her, not to him, not to anyone. _

_But no matter how hard she tried to tell herself it wasn't happening there still a little boy with a white blanket over his head being loaded onto the ambulance that she was facing. His mother lay crying her heart out into the father's arms, who was looking longingly at the cot where his dead son lay. The grief and sorrow being reflected in the couple's eyes was something Raven had never seen before. And now that she had, she knew she never wanted to see it ever again._

"_Rae?" a loving voice called from behind her, interrupting her thoughts._

_Raven spun around keeping her face as solemn as possible, trying not to show the hurt in her eyes. "What do you want?" she snapped at the sight of Beast Boy._

"_Are you all right?" he asked softly ignoring her rude comment and putting his arm around her, trying to offer a bit of reassurance._

_She gave him a quick shove and she stepped back. "I'll be fine." she mumbled, while turning away from his caring gaze._

"_You don't look all right to me," he replied, coming up beside her._

"_Neither does he," She snarled, gesturing towards the ambulance that was now fading away into the distance._

"_That wasn't your fault. If it was anyone's faul-"_

"_IT WASN'T MY FAULT!" she screeched spinning to face him, "IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME, THAT BOY WOULD STILL BE HERE IN THIS PARK WATCHING THE FIREWORKS! IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME NONE OF THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING! IF THIS WASN'T MY-" she stopped, at the sight of a garbage can to her right being enveloped in by a black aura, hey eyes grew wide as she bit her lip. "Nevermind. We both know it was my fault." _

_Beast Boy looked shamefully away knowing she was telling the truth to some extent "Well… I played a part as well. I made your emotions go nuts. I should have known better."_

"_Yeah. You should have," she muttered cruelly crossing her arms and turning away from him yet again, "You know, it's going to be all over the press tomorrow," she whispered, staring out into the dark horizon._

"_Yeah. I know," he replied as he approached her and put his arm around her slender shoulders once more. This time, she didn't resist. He then leaned over so close she could feel his breath almost tickling her pale skin as he spoke gently into her ear, "But nothing, nothing will ever tear us or the team apart. 'Kay?"_

_Raven nodded and felt herself give way into his arms. Though she knew crying would cause nothing but world chaos, his touch was reassuring enough for her. She felt him lightly kiss the top of her head and give her a comforting squeeze._

"_Nothing."_

_-----_

Rachel looked sorrowfully at the picture, and opened a drawer in the coffee table, thrusting the picture inside. She let a sigh, that picture was the last thing she wanted to look at right now. Turning back to the light of the screen of her laptop, she gave a quick look back down at the closed drawer.

"If he only knew how wrong he was," she sighed sadly, as she resumed her typing.

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**And there it is… Chapter 2… the plot is really starting to kick in… anyone have any predictions as to what may happen next? Anyone? Well, if you do… submit a review! And if you don't… Submit a review!**

**No pressure or anything though :P**

**Lot's of Love,**

**-MlzMissa xoxox 3**


	3. Chapter 3

**And here I am again on this lovely September day… I've been feeling rather sick all day… Headache, sore throat… and on top of that… my monthly feminine issues started this morning. It's been such a lovvveeeeelllllyyyyy day **

**Not.**

**Anyways, hopefully a review or two will help me feel better… enjoy this instalment.**

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_Chapter 3_

After two full days of doing odd job work around the apartment building he lived in, Gar sat with three of the other tenants in the building's common room, playing a game of Poker.

Across from him sat Mr. Yerssa's sister Wanda. She lived down the hallway from Gar and got free rent considering her relative owned the place. But her rivalry hadn't died down with her sibling. Mr.Yerssa would probably be charging the brunette for the room if his wife hadn't interfered and said she could have it for free, and although they still hated each other they put on a good show for Mrs.Yerssa. Everyone got quite a kick out of it when they saw it happen.

To his right sat a rich foreigner, with the accent barely anyone could understand, named Bingo. Well his name wasn't actually Bingo. No one could pronounce his real name, or remember it for that matter, but shortly after he arrived Wanda learned he loved the game Bingo. Thus the name was born. No one really knew why Bingo lived here, or even if he had a job, but the crazy cat lady on the second floor once spread a rumour that he secretly owns and runs a country from here in this building. No one really believed her, though… I mean, there is a reason why they call her a crazy cat lady.

To his left sat John. John was a cook at a local restaurant and was probably the sanest out of everyone who lived in the apartment building. The only bizarre thing about John, though, which wasn't even that bizarre, was that he was the oldest out of them all, and according to Wanda, was one of the most romantic and understanding men she'd ever met. But he didn't even have a girlfriend! Gar, Wanda and John were the only three in the apartment who were single. Bingo even had a girlfriend; her name was Tamara, she lived down the hallway and was using him for his money… but the bizarre little dude could still say he was taken!

"Gar? Gar… Anyone in there?" Wanda said as she snapped her fingers in front of his face.

"Oh, sorry," he replied, coming out of his trance.

"That is very acceptable, friend Garfield Logan. But it is the time for you to play," Bingo said, referring to his cards. Gar smirked at Bingo's speech. It had always reminded him of how Starfire spoke. Only Bingo's accent was much worse than the alien's.

"Ummm…" he groaned looking down at his cards, "I'm going to fold."

"All right. Well that means I automatically win!" John said as he collected his chips from the centre of the table.

"I am completed," Bingo sighed, leaning back into his chair.

"If you mean you're done playin', then same here," Wanda added, as she threw her remaining chips in the middle. "It's gettin' late, anyway."

"Yeah. I've got an early rise in the morning," John agreed standing up and pushing in his chair.

"I guess that means I'm done as well," Gar muttered, picking up his jacket.

"Oh! Before I forget!" Wanda exclaimed as she started to dig through her purse, "Here." She handed Gar a newspaper clipping. "I spotted that today, and I know you've been lookin' for a job, so I figured that some of those pictures you've been drawin' deserved a better place then your apartment wall."

Gar looked down at the paper, where there was a want ad for an artist. "Thanks, Wanda."

"You're welcome. You just better not forget it! 'Cuz this if a definite IOU on your behalf"

Gar grinned at her. "Don't worry, I won't."

-----

The next morning, as soon as he thought the woman advertising for an artist would be awake, he ran down to the lobby where the pay phone was. His telephone had been cut the week before because of the lack of bills being paid, but, thankfully, Mrs. Yerssa had forced Mr. Yerssa to get a payphone installed the year prior… the cheap bastard… he wouldn't get anything overly expensive done unless you pried him with a hot rod… And Gar was convinced Mrs. Yerssa had at times.

"555…" he muttered out loud reading the number off the advertisement. "2978."

After a few rings a dry voice picked up. "Hello?"

"Hi. Is Rachel Roth there?" Gar said cheerfully.

"Speaking. Who's this?"

"My name's Garfield Logan. I'm calling about the ad you had put in the paper about the artist."

"Ah, I'm assuming you're interested."

"Yeah… Umm… just a quick question. How much do you pay?"

"Well. How about we meet first. If you'd bring some of your artwork to the café on the corner of Main Street, then we'll discuss payment. If you get the job that is."

"Sounds like a date to me!" Gar exclaimed, with excitement evident in his voice.

"Anything but a date Mr. Logan, strictly business. I'll see you at six." And with that, the woman hung up.

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Later that night Rachel sat in a corner booth of the café, gradually sipping on the herbal tea she'd ordered and patiently awaiting the arrival of Gar.

"Rachel Roth?" a voice called from behind her.

She turned her head to see a rather tall, handsome man standing behind her with a folder tucked under his arm. His short blond hair gave her the sense that it hadn't been brushed in weeks. He wore a baggy forest green t-shirt and dark navy jeans. But the far most captivating thing about his appearance was the pair of olive coloured eyes that danced with the reflection of the various candles in the café. She seemed lost for a moment as her own violet eyes met his pools of forest green, and for a split second, he seemed oddly familiar.

"Have we met before?" she asked, trying to place where she had seen those dazzling jade beauties.

"I'm sure I would have remembered such a beautiful face." he replied flirtatiously seating himself across from her.

"Mr. Logan," Rachel snapped with a hint of danger in her voice, "I'm here to see your work and find out if you're right for the job. Not to flirt."

"Understood," Gar muttered, as his eyes travelled from the pale skinned woman to his folder. She was quite attractive, to say the least. Her long black hair was perfectly cut past her shoulders and her brilliant violet orbs caught his gaze at first sight. Normally, he wasn't drawn to eyes, but her eyes seemed like a mystery waiting to be unveiled. Gar hated mysteries and uncertainty, but those eyes were enough to fall in love with.

Pulling his art out of his file, he placed some of his greatest pieces in front of her, "Here they are."

After hastily glancing at each picture, Rachel's eyes fell upon a small black and white sketch of two young teenagers in a loving embrace under the shade of a giant oak tree. The drawing looked as though hours of long hard work had gone into it. But what she couldn't figure out was why the flawlessly illustrated picture… was of Raven and Beast Boy.

"What's this one about?" she asked curiously as she picked up the sketch.

Gar stared nervously at the picture, biting his lip _'Crap. That's not supposed to be in there.'_ he thought, trying to find a way to put it into words that wouldn't embarrass him.

"Oh, that? When I was a teenager I was a big Raven fan. She was my hero. And I figured _If she wasn't with me, why not with Beast Boy?_ I always thought they'd make a cute couple. But that wasn't supposed to be in the pile."

Okay, so it wasn't a _total_ lie. Raven was his hero, he was a huge Raven fan, and he did think that he and Raven would've made a cute couple. If it hadn't have been for the accident, he would probably be with her right now.

Realizing what he was thinking he shoved, the memories into the back of his mind and snapped back into reality.

"I see," Rachel finally muttered, as she placed the picture back down on the table. The idea of her with Beast Boy wouldn't be all that ridiculous if it was 7 or 8 years ago. But now, she didn't even know where he was. She glanced at the picture one last time before looking up at Gar. "How does 15 dollars an hour sound to you?"

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**And the plot thickens! Hope you enjoyed!**

**Lot's of Love,**

**-Mlzy 3 xoxoxox**

**P.S- In response to a question from one of my readers. Yes, Fargoth… I did used to be on Neopets… and that guild. I haven't been on there in forever though…………………… did I know you on that?**


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